I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish i was in the wii world.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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