I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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