Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize