Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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