Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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