DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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