You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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