Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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