I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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