I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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