He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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