If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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