So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize