Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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