I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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