did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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