It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize