it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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