No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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