whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize