i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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