he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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