No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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