Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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