About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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