the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
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There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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