you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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