Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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