i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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