She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize