So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
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I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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