What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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