ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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