He is an equal opportunity slut.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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