awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize