we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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