I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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