she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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