and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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