Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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