On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize