we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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