Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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