Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I deserve this hangover.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize