Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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