I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize