He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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