i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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