Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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