Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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